Book Review - "Dear Austin - A Letter to my Son"

I have just spent an enjoyable hour with this delightful book (see left) and I would have loved to have written something like this for my daughter (now 21 years old).

The book is a personal, touching letter from a father to his son Austin, as Austin leaves home to start college. Words of wisdom are shared, memories described - and beautifully illustrated - and most importantly, love expressed honestly and vividly.

A great book not only for adult children to read, but just as importantly for the parents that are left behind! "Dear Austin" is available on Amazon or from the author's website at:

http://www.davidmperkins.com/

Happy Parenting!
Cassie

Raising Teenagers

I have noticed the last little while that my fifteen year old son has not had a lot of time for me. I seem to push his buttons without even realizing and he has been very vocal about it. For you parents who are starting to feel like you cannot seem to do anything right in your child's eyes, join the club. You would think that after raising three kids to adulthood I would remember that I went through this before. More so with my daughter who is now 28, than my eldest son, but I did go through this experience before and should remember that this too shall pass.

Teenagers seem to need their space from their parents and it is the first sign of independence and is actually not a bad thing as long as it does not get out of hand. Your child needs to feel like he has choices and needs to feel that his privacy is respected. I have tried to make it a habit to always knock on my son's door after being reprimanded a few times about respect and privacy. Thinking back I most likely had the same feelings toward my parents but dared not voice it. Back then most children were not able to speak their mind without a major whooping, but now luckily our kids can feel safe enough to tell us how they are feeling.

So remember times have changed when it comes to parenting, but teenagers have not. Of course if your teen is blatantly abusive and a little too vocal you may want to discuss it with a professional as sometimes anger is a sign of depression and you should never take that lightly especially if it seems out of character.

You will survive!!!

I saw a sign the other day that really gave me a chuckle, It said Raising Teenagers is Like Nailing Jello to the Wall" The reason I thought it was so funny is because it is true. Raising teens can be a frustrating experience. I know because I have raised two into adulthood, one who is now 16 and one on the way, my son who is almost 12. There were times when I wanted to pull my hair out and run screaming from the room.

There are times when nothing can make them happy no matter how hard you try, so don't waste your energy. Let your teens know you love him while they are in this alien form and you are there if they need you, but let them have their space. Teens spend a lot of time on the phone and in the bathroom and they are notorious for saying they will do something like clean their room and no matter how mad you get and how many punishments you give them they will laugh in your face.

Yes bringing up a teen can be just as frustrating as the sign said, but I am happy to tell you, that this too shall pass. That alien that suddenly seems to possess your child's mind will one day leave and you will be left with a lovely, pleasant adult that you can actually have a conversation with So treasure the childhood years because once your kids get to their teens you will need all the pleasant memories of the past so you can go to your happy place and keep your sanity.

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Some days you just can't win!!!

I am sure anyone who is blessed with a teenager knows exactly what I am talking about. It is not an easy time for them and they also can make our life a little challenging at times, but I am here to tell you that if you can just get through the next few years without losing your mind, your teen will transform like a butterfly and you will fall in love with them all over again.

I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has really put me through the ringer lately. She will lose her cool at the drop of a hat and seems to get angry at me at the least little thing. Case in point, I was studying and had on my headphones because I like to listen to my favourite music while I work on my course. I was totally immersed in text book,trying to prepare for a test, when all of a sudden my daughter started screaming. That got my attention big time. I turned to look at her and she was fuming. I took off my headset and asked her what the problem was, and she said, "I never listen to her"! Funny, how many times have I asked her to do something and she will nod and say she will, but it never gets done. I have asked her to clean her room umpteen dozen times and nada!!!

I asked her how it felt not to be heard and she just turned and stomped her feet, went into her bedroom and rudely slammed the door. I could have reacted and made a big fuss, but I figured what would that really accomplish? They scream, we scream and nothing gets solved. It is a catch 22 because you don't want them to think that they can treat you like dirt and get away with it but by the same token what do you gain by getting angry??

My take on this is that teens need to go through the nasty years and drive us round the bend or we would never let them leave. Can you imagine how hard it would be if they stayed the same sweet angels until adulthood, you would never let them go. So think about this as if it were a transitional period to prepare Moms and Dads for the empty nest. It is nature's way, just like the Mother bird who tries to get her babies to leave the safety of the nest and go off on their own. After she shows them what to and they don't follow, she will just get fed up and push them out.

Once your child goes through the nasty years and becomes a human again, I am here to tell you that you will have a much better relationship with them and heck they don't even care and will be proud to be seen with you. Unlike the teen who stays five feet behind you in the mall for fear that someone will actually think that you are her Mother.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

"You've Got to Walk the Talk!

I can remember the first time. I tried to hide the fact that I was smoking from my Mother by putting the cigarette on my stomach and placing a hard cover book that I was reading at the time on top of it, thinking albeit stupidly, that the weight of the book would eventually put the cigarette out. Consequently I burned my stomach quite bad and I still have the scar to this day. My Mother sat there giving me a lecture on smoking and why it was so bad for me when she herself smoked. I accused my Mother of being a hippocrate but she never saw that side of it and grounded me for a month.

Luckily I gave up that discusting habit in my twenties and not one of my four children ended up being a smoker as of yet......

Remember as a parent you have the biggest influence on whether your kids decide to try smoking. Talk to your kids about smoking at a time when you are both comfortable and relaxed such as during a television program or on the ride to soccer practice. Your kids are going to be pressured by their peers to smoke and sometimes it can be a little tempting to try it if the so called "cool kids" are doing it. Remember kids learn best by example and if you tell them that you disapprove of smoking while you are are still smoking, you will be giving them mixed messages. It is also important to keep in mind that kids who feel good about themselves have a better chance of not becoming a smoker especially if they are involved in activities that require cardiovascular fitness like sports or other physical activities.

You can also help your kids to develop their self esteem by letting them know when they do something that pleases you as opposed to when they do something you disagree with. Positive reinforcement is a parenting tecnique that works really well in helping your children develop more self confidence so the next time they are asked to try smoking by the so called cool kids, they can say NO and really mean it!!!

Happy Parenting

Monicka

What Makes Young People Happy?

Have you ever wondered what really makes young people happy?? Could it be money, or the latest fashion or a new car or the newest technical gadget?? Well actually, it is none of the above. Apparently what makes your teen the happiest is spending time with their family.

According to the results of a survey conducted by Associative Press and MTV, asking teens and young adults 13 to24, 100 questions, when asked the open-ended question, what makes them most happy? Nearly three quarters of them said their relationship with their parents makes them the happiest, followed by spending time with friends and finally with their boyfriend or girlfriend.

That should be a lesson to all of us when we think our teens and 20 something children don't want to be around us. Nothing could be further from the truth. So that is today's lesson. Spend time with your teens and adult children. They really want to be with you.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Teens and Sleep

Many parents allow their teenage children to set their own bed time, or at least to go to bed later than the younger children in the family. But did you know that teenagers in fact need at least as much sleep as their younger siblings? Check out the article on Teens and Sleep which outlines the serious implications for a teenager of not getting enough sleep, and highlights from modern research what the most important things are that you can do to assist your teen in getting a good night's sleep.

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Depression in Children

After a few days of feeling on top of the world my fifteen-year-old daughter seems to be down in the dumps today. Her first day on the job was very positive, so I was puzzled as to why she was feeling so blue. I was especially concerned because she was eating very little and seemed to be avoiding any contact with the family. I kept trying to find out what was bothering her but she refused to talk about it. I told her I couldn't help her if she didn't open up but she kept insisting that nothing was wrong. Well what can you do? As a parent it is sometimes very frustrating when our children refuse to talk about their problems. You sense that something is not quite right but you can't twist their arm to divulge.

Let your children know that they will always have a safe place to fall and no matter what happens you will always love them. Make sure they know that your door is always open if they want to discuss anything with you. My daughter knows she can come to me and I will support her but once again I cannot make her share if she doesn't want to. The best we can do as parents sometimes is try and be patient when it comes to our children, teenagers especially can be quite moody and most of the time it is just part of puberty. On the other hand if your teen seems to be down for more than a few days and refuses to talk about it, it may be time to get professional advice before it becomes full blown depression.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Kids and Safety on the Internet

If you a parent, chances are that your child or teen knows all about the Internet. Probably even more than you do? They use it on a daily basis for school projects and general research. It is without a doubt the ‘‘ information highway ‘’. But parents also need to realize that there are many dangers involved when web surfing.

Check out the KidsGoals guide to Internet Safety for Kids and Teens for more info.

Kids and Sleep Deprivation

A new study performed in Australia (see link) compared data from two surveys of kids and sleeping habits, one survey from 1985 and one from 2004.

The results showed that the 2004 children were sleeping an average of about 1/2 an hour less per night than the kids back in 1985 - mainly due to later bed times.

A possible culprit might be the increasing incidence of kids having TVs and computers in their bedroom.

Sleep scientists claim that adolescents need 9.5 hours of sleep per night (http://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/show_story.php?id=5137) .. how much sleep is your teen getting?

Happy parenting and sweet dreams!

Cassie