Newsletters

Hello All,

It has been awhile since I have blogged so I figured it was about time, so here goes...

Wow! Can you believe it is almost the middle of March and of course you know what that means. Yep, time for the next newsletter. I decided to clean up my readers list and give anyone a chance that didn't really want the newsletter in the first place, to opt out before I send out the next campaign. According to Mail Chimp, (the nice people who send my letter out for me) mail lists get stale very quickly. Some people even forget they signed up in the first place. So please if you really don't want it, don't send it to SPAM because it then becomes an abuse complaint and I am sent a compliance letter from Mail Chimp. So if you don't want it you know what to do, just click on the unsubscribe button and I will take you off the list. But on to other matters.

Spring is in the air, and maybe even thoughts of love for your tween or teen. The March issue is about kids crushes and what you as a parent can do to help your child if they develop a crush on that certain someone. We have all been there, but for your child this can be a very traumatic time and it is crucial that you do not treat the crush as a trivial matter, but rather offer lots of love and support - especially if the crush isn't reciprocated :( I think you will find the article very informative.



Anyway hope you have a great weekend!!

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Book Review - "Dear Austin - A Letter to my Son"

I have just spent an enjoyable hour with this delightful book (see left) and I would have loved to have written something like this for my daughter (now 21 years old).

The book is a personal, touching letter from a father to his son Austin, as Austin leaves home to start college. Words of wisdom are shared, memories described - and beautifully illustrated - and most importantly, love expressed honestly and vividly.

A great book not only for adult children to read, but just as importantly for the parents that are left behind! "Dear Austin" is available on Amazon or from the author's website at:

http://www.davidmperkins.com/

Happy Parenting!
Cassie

Sometimes it is best to say nothing.

In Thursday's blog I wrote about my frustration with my sixteen-year-old daughter, who did not want to continue working for the company that hired her after her work experience training program was finished. My husband and I both thought this was a really good opportunity for her to not only get some work experience, but also would be good in a social aspect as my daughter is Aspergian and has problems in that area. We finally gave up trying to convince her and dropped the subject, but she still continued to give us the cold shoulder.

Today was her last training day and I was expecting her to come home in a bad mood and was totally gobsmacked when she came in and told me she had decided to continue with the job but it was no thanks to my husband and I.

I guess when it comes to teens sometimes it is best to let them figure some things out for themselves. No matter how hard you try to convince them that something is a good idea and will benefit them, just because you want them to, may be all they need to reject the idea altogether.

I am over the moon that my daughter wants to continue with her job and will support her if and when she wants to try something else after she gets a bit more experience. I have learned the hard way that sometimes it is just better to say nothing and let your teen figure things out on their own.

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

It's a frustrating job,but someone has to do it.

The person that came up with the quote "Raising a teenager is like nailing jello to the wall," was right on the money! Case in point; My daughter Savannah, who is in grade 11 started a work experience program yesterday. Because she has Asperger's her teachers were trying to find something that she would be able to do without having to have too much social contact with the public at the start, but could eventually work her way up to it, if she so desired. We were lucky to find just that kind of position and she was offered a spot a local Tim Horton's to do prep work and a bit of cleaning. It is kind of a coffee/donut/soup and sandwiches kind of place but extremely popular here in Canada. Yesterday was her first official training day and I could not wait until she came home to find out how she did and if she liked the job. I was thrilled when she walked through the door with a huge smile on her beautiful face saying she really liked the people and the day went really well. I was so proud of her and gushed about her to my Mother and my eldest daughter Kayla.

Something must have happened between yesterday and this morning, because my daughter woke up this morning and she was not a happy camper. I tried to cheer her up and commented on how cute her outfit looked on her and no sooner did I get the words out of my mouth she told me in no uncertain terms that it was just a three day work experience and she didn't want to work there. When I tried to question her as to why she changed her mind seemingly overnight, she clammed up and left for her job without saying a word to anyone in the family.

I know my daughter and try and give her as much support as possible because of her difficulty with social aspects, which is very common with kids on the Autism spectrum. The frustrating part of this is that she basically has been given a chance to work in a place where they are willing to be patient with her training as the owner's nephew also has an Autism Spectrum disorder. They are open to hiring special needs teenagers in order to give them a chance to get some real experience in the work force. My question is how to explain to my daughter what a great opportunity this is without making it sound like they feel sorry for her. She had this silly idea in her head just before the New Year, that the only reason anyone would want to talk to her was because they pitied her because of her Asperger's. Working with her speech therapist we were finally able to convince her that if someone spoke to her it was because they wanted to, not because they felt sorry for her. She seemed to finally get the message loud and clear and was starting to acknowledge her peers if they said hi to her, whereas before she would simply ignore tham, which was not gaining her any favor in their eyes. Teaching my daughter social skills has been a very long process and I was hoping that she could use this opportunity to meet new people and even make a few friends. Now this is not too be. I know my daughter and she can be extremely stubborn once she makes a decision about anything.

My daughter can be very frustrating at times like all teenagers, but I have to give her a little more slack than with my other children because of her struggles. With my daughter you cannot get upset with her because she will go from 0 to 100 in one second flat and lose her cool with anyone who tries to tell her she is not making a sound decision. She will then shut off sometimes for days and go into her own little world and refuse to speak to anyone. What is a parent to do? Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. I can hope she will come to the realization all on her own that she has been given an awesome opportunity and will want to continue working for this business on a long term basis, but I know my daughter and I will not hold my breath. All I can do is support whatever decision she makes whether I agree with it or not. It is not easy being the parent of a teenager at the best of times, but raising a teenager who has Asperger's can be twice as frustrating, take my word for it. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter with all my heart and would not want to change her for the world because she is my greatest teacher and my angel on earth and well worth any extra effort it may take to parent her.

Have you hugged your teen today???

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Child self esteem and courage - the teenage years

Building your child's self esteem by teaching him courage: As a Teenager

Sometimes, the bravest thing a teenager can do is ASK FOR HELP. At this stage of development, your child is learning to be self-reliant... and this can be overwhelming at times.

As with the earlier years, teach your child that there are no bad emotions, that it is OK to express his emotions openly in the safety of his relationship with his parents, and that you are there to support and encourage him, and believe in him, as he takes his first tentative steps into the adult world.

Build your teenager's self esteem and confidence by encouraging him to talk to you about his problems and concerns, and then reacting in a calm and reassuring way.

Happy parenting with your teenager!

Cassie

The Early Bird verses the Night Owl

Cassie and I are the best of friends and our personalities are very similar, which makes working with her on kidsgoals a breeze. We are both like minded and never seem to disagree about anything. There is only one thing where we are not quite on the same wave length, and that is our sleeping patterns. Cassie is definitely a morning person and is usually in bed by 9 PM or earlier and up at 6 AM, while I am a definitely a night owl and I am lucky to make it to bed by midnight. Luckily my husband is also a night owl and my children during the holidays prefer to go to bed later and sleep in the next day.

When Cassie visited me in Canada I followed her lead and started going to bed when she did and also to wake up when she did. It was nice because the days seemed to last longer and since she was only here for two weeks I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Alas, when she went back to the UK I went back to my old habits rather quickly. Cassie is very rigid when it comes to her sleep hygiene and I know she is appalled at my lack of it.

Recently I came across an article in "Psychology Today" that it may be better to be an early bird. According to the article people who are early to bed and early to rise are more agreeable than their counterparts. Not to mention according to a study by Pennsylvania University, adolescents who stay up late and then sleep in are more likely to have behavioral problems.

So Cassie my dearest friend you are right on the money after all!!! I probably won't ever be a morning person naturally, but for the sake of my children, I am starting to think that a better sleep schedule for this family may be just what the Dr. ordered. Not to mention the new school year will be starting up soon and the quicker I get my kids used of a regular sleep routine the easier it will be on them and me.

Happy Parenting,:-)

Monicka

Living with Teenagers

Well hubby is really wanting some help with this whole teenage parenting experience! He has ordered a book by a young British girl who calls herself jellyellie.

Jellyellie wrote (aged 14/15) a book called "How Teenagers Think" - and hubby is hoping it will give him a teen-eye-level view of life so he can understand his daughter better!

I of course will read it too (I'm an incorrigible bookworm and read everything!) so I'll do a little review - and let you know if it helps!

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Teenager's Brains

It's official - my husband is well on the way to going grey! Now that his 17-year-old daughter Sam is living with us, he is getting a full blown taster of parenting a teenager - and he is fretting like mad!

I think it's lovely to see how protective he is, and Sam appreciates it too - she loves that he cares about her so much.

But it's a difficult time for both of them - at 17, Sam needs to experiment with pulling away and dealing with problems and dilemmas (like how late to stay out on a Friday night when, unlike her friends, she has to work on Saturday morning!) - but at the same time she needs a lot of love and support.

The fact is that teenagers' brains don't function yet like those of adults, and I found a fascinating article that helps with some insight into that (see header link).

I've printed it off for hubbie to read - it might not stop his hair going grey, but trying to understand the Teenage Brain is a wonderful challenge for him!

And on that subject, my darling step-daughter has a lot to learn about teen sleep hygiene! :)

Cassie

Teenagers and Selfishness

I think it's normal for teenagers to go through a period of selfishness. As children mature, they need to learn about going out into the world and finding out who they are. They need to test the water when it comes to putting themselves first.

That's why I'm a bit concerned - I know this will probably sound odd - about just how CONSIDERATE my step-daughter Sam is. I wish she would learn to put herself first more often, even if it does inconvenience others once in a while.

A child's self-esteem is such a crucial thing to develop while they are still young, that the selfishness of teenagerhood seems to me a small price to pay.

Am I nuts? :)

cyberhugs,

Cassie

The Power of the Flower

When I woke up this morning I was not feeling my best. I had a restless night and getting out of bed this morning was hell on wheels!!! After my morning caffeine fix I felt a bit better; but it was not until I took my dog for his morning wee that I really noticed a change in my mood. What was that amazing fragrance wafting in the breeze?? My favourite flower of all time the lilacs are in bloom. One whiff of those babies and I noticed a definite improvement in my mood and an overall feeling of “Life is pretty OK”.

Apparently researchers have discovered that women’s facial expressions change after they have been delivered flowers. 100% of the women in the study flashed a genuine smile known as the Ducherne smile. Best of all, the positive mood lasted up to three days later. Another study by the Harvard Medical School presented women with either flowers or scented candles. The women that received the flowers showed improvement in mood and also felt an increase in energy and a feeling of wanting to be more compassionate to others. No wonder when men are in the doghouse they give their significant others flowers. Might be a nice idea to present our moody teens with a surprise bouquet when they are not the nicest to be around?? Just a thought. :-)

Happy Parenting
Monicka

When children fly the nest?

Last week was a landmark week for my husband Kevin and myself. Kevin's daughter Samantha (my step-daughter) moved in with us full-time.

Sam had lived with her mother up until that point, and we had always wished that we could spend more time with her rather than just the occasional weekend. We felt that there was so much we couldn't do to help her from far away - like helping her with homework and all the usual things like that!

Now that she is 17, Sam has decided to have a change and come and live with her father for a while. She has left school already, and is looking for a job in our town, Buckingham. Yesterday, Kevin and I spent all evening helping her with a job application form. It was delightful to be able to do something positive with her.

Even little things like doing her washing and ironing are a pleasure for me, and I hope Sam knows that her Dad and I love her no matter what - that she doesn't need to be "good" to earn our love.

Happy parenting,

Cassie