Children and Problem Solving

I don't know about you but I loved reading Monicka's blog yesterday about helping her son with his homework.

It's often easy to solve children's' problems FOR THEM instead of helping them to learn to solve problems (and boosting their self esteem into the bargain).

An amusing way to think of this is an image that I got from a self-help business book. It was to do with how some managers tend to get busier and busier as their staff get less and less busy. The book called a problem a "monkey" and the image that really got to me was of me walking down the corridor at work and bumping into a colleague who had a big hairy monkey clinging onto his back. The colleague says to me "We've got a problem... xyz, what should we do??" and I say "Hmm, I'll have to have a think about that and get back to you." Immediately I say that, the monkey jumps onto MY back and my colleague waltzes off happily and free of monkeys!

Instead, I have learned to handle this situation better at work. Now I might say something like "That's tricky, why don't YOU have a think about some possible solutions we could consider and then come back to me to tell me about them and we can talk them over." Then I'm the one that walks off monkey free, and my colleague OWNS his problem and learns to be more self-sufficient in the process - while still getting my support and assistance.

How could you use this idea to help your KIDS learn problem solving, while still giving them the love, attention and support that all children need?

Happy parenting

Cassie

Let your kids work it out.

I have blogged many times about my daughter,Savannah, who has Asperger's. She is a typical 16- year- old who just wants to make friends and fit in with everyone else, but because of this disorder social interactions are quite difficult for her. With the help of her speech language pathologist, she was introduced to a girl who was also having problems making friends, and they really hit it off. They had arranged a sleepover on Saturday and seemed to be getting along pretty well until late evening when the girl announced that she didn't want to stay any longer and wanted to go home. We tried to get a hold of her Mother to no avail and my husband even drove her home but she didn't have a key so he brought her back to our house. I felt really bad for her because I could tell she was quite anxious and I did not have a clue what happened to cause this problem. My daughter didn't want to talk about it and so I was totally in the dark. Finally I suggested that they talk about it and try and sort things out, but the girl said when she got upset she tended to stutter and so I recommended that one them use my laptop and the other one use the family computer, and chat on msn. They agreed to try that and I decided to leave them to it and go to bed. About an hour later I heard them laughing and they seemed to be having a great time. The girl's Mother came to pick her up after all, but she left in good spirits and the girls even made plans to play badminton together this Tuesday.

Sometimes we need to let our kids work things out on their own. I tried my best to get my daughter and her friend to talk about things, but that was pretty much all I could do. They both refused to talk to me and so my hands were basically tied. By leaving them alone and giving them some privacy they were able to actually work it out, first on msn through instant messaging and then a bit later, they actually spoke to each other and talked about the conflict they were having. I am still not sure what the problem was as neither one would tell me anything but the bottom line is they worked it out and without my intervention. I have learned a great lesson from this and know that when problems crop up in the future I am going to give my kids a bit of time to sort it out for themselves.

We love our kids and hate to see them hurt, so it is only natural that we want to solve their problems for them. In doing this our children do not learn to develop problem solving skills. If we give our kids the time and space to work it out on their own, more times than not they will come up with a solution. If the problem is so serious that they cannot handle it on their own, they know that they can come to us for love and support. Now isn't that what positive parenting is all about? : -)

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Helping your child be a successful problem-solver

Helping your child be a successful problem-solver

Life is full of ups and downs! How can we help our children deal with these successfully? As parents, we are responsible for all the major decisions that affect our children's health and welfare throughout their childhood.

However, there are many areas where we can let our children learn to make their own decisions, and practice problem-solving in a safe environment.

DO:

* Allow your child to make age-appropriate decisions
* Talk through with your child how you make decisions that affect him, and show that you value his input even if you have to choose an option he doesn't like
* Brainstorm with your child solutions to his every day problems rather than just telling him what to do - see if you can steer him to thinking up solutions himself.

DON'T

* Let your child make choices that might endanger him
* Overreact when your child makes a mistake or a poor choice. This is part of the learning process after all!

With your guidance, your child can learn the valuable skill of problem solving while he is still in the safe haven of your home - and will be better prepared for life's bigger problems after he has flown the nest!

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Creativity and Problem Solving for Kids

Kids have such amazing imaginations, and an innate ability to think outside the box, that it's important to encourage these abilities - as all too often they are lost by the time a child grows up. Here are some ideas you can use to help your kids use their imagination to develop great problem solving skills:

1) Encourage them when they talk about their fantasies and make up stories - don't tell them they are being silly, instead get excited and ask questions. You can even encourage them to close their eyes and become aware of the fact that they can visualize things vividly inside.

2) Talk to your child about his different senses so that he becomes aware of what he already does with his imagination - creates pictures, sounds, feelings and even smells.

3) Play a game with your child where one of you chooses a simple every day object - the classic example is a paper-clip, but pretty much anything will do! - and then see who can think of the most possible uses for that object. This is a very powerful way of developing creativity and problem-solving, so play it with your child often!

Happy parenting,

Cassie