Sometimes We Need to Put Ourselves First!!!

It may sound selfish and for that reason you may not feel like doing it, but putting yourself first as a Mother is one of the most selfless things you can do for your children and family in general. When a Mother gives everything to her family she is slowly but surely depleting her stores of all the things she needs to provide the best for her children. Sooner or later the cup runneth dry and a Mother may find that she doesn't have the energy or the inclination to much of anything for her family. Soon she is feel unappreciated and taken for granted and even depression can set in quickly after that.

On the other hand if a Mother finds time to do the things she appreciates,even if it is just a daily meditation session, or a work out at the gym she is doing things to make herself feel good and refuel herself. Try and make special time for yourself to do the things that make you happy. There is no hard and fast rule that comes with this as every Mother is different. For some just a nice bubble bath when they are feeling stressed or time to read a book they have been wanting to read is enough for others they may need a little more. The important thing is to make it regular and a priority. Your family will benefit and your children will see that sometimes we need to put ourselves first which is a big part of self esteem and learning to love yourself.

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Grandparents and Self Esteem

My parents have been staying with us for the last two weeks and while it was wonderful having them around I was not sad to see them leave. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly, but my biggest problem with them is that they never seem to respect the fact that I am no longer a child. My Mother insisting that I wear something less revealing, or I should be eating more vegetables. While on the other hand they spoil my kids rotten allowing them to have dessert even if they didn't clean their plate and all the rules that I set in my household seem to go out the window. It got me thinking, what happened to the overly strict, judgemental people that I grew up with?

Something magical seems to happen to our parents when we have children. Those overly strict, judgmental people that we know and love, seem to disappear into thin air. Our children really benefit the most from this amazing transformation because Grandparents are the epitome of unconditional love. Since love is the most important ingredient children need to develop self esteem and reach their full potential, and unlike frazzled , multi-tasking parents, Grandparents can often provide more undivided, non-judgemental attention.

Here's to Grandparents!!!

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Children, Emotions and Self-Esteem

Hopefully it is true to say that all good-enough parents are keen to help their children develop with a healthy emotional balance and a good self-esteem.

If you're one of these parents, it is definitely worth spending some time learning a little about HOW to help children develop in these positive ways. It's NOT about what school they go to, or about giving them more material things than you had when you were a kid.

It's much more fundamental than that. It's about how you communicate with your children on a day to day basis. How you expressly teach them that it is OK to feel ALL kinds of emotions. How you encourage them to allow both positive and negative feelings to come and go without trying to suppress them.

It's easy for a child to misunderstand. Imagine a small child having a temper tantrum. If we tell him it's not acceptable to hit people or to break things, he is likely to interpret this as it's not OK to FEEL anger. Of course it is OK to feel anger. He just needs to learn to express it appropriately rather than violently.

In extreme circumstances, if children feel that it is not OK to express certain emotions, such as anger or sadness, then the psychological effect is that they "split off" the part of them inside that holds those emotions. This is not a healthy emotional thing and can lead to low self esteem.

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Teenagers and Selfishness

I think it's normal for teenagers to go through a period of selfishness. As children mature, they need to learn about going out into the world and finding out who they are. They need to test the water when it comes to putting themselves first.

That's why I'm a bit concerned - I know this will probably sound odd - about just how CONSIDERATE my step-daughter Sam is. I wish she would learn to put herself first more often, even if it does inconvenience others once in a while.

A child's self-esteem is such a crucial thing to develop while they are still young, that the selfishness of teenagerhood seems to me a small price to pay.

Am I nuts? :)

cyberhugs,

Cassie

"The Right Way"

Happy Wednesday Everyone
The cleaning campaign has been put on hold for a bit because a very special project just fell into my lap that is going to take priority over everything else for the next few days. No worries, I found out that my kids are very capable of helping and I am going to make sure that they have a lot more responsibilities around the house. It seemed to be easier to just do it myself than try and get them to do things the way that I wanted them done. For instance my son offered to help me fold some towels and when he started folding I started to show him how to do it the way I would. I had to stop myself in mid explanation and say "No, I am going to let you fold them the way that you feel is best, and I am thankful that you want to help me" I think because I was brought up to believe that there was a right way to do certain things and nothing else would do. As Cassie would say BOLLOCKS!!!! How can we expect our children to ever have any confidence in themselves if they are constantly being shown the so-called "right way" to do things and who said it was the right way anyway? Maybe they would come up with a better way if given the chance, but we will never know unless we let them try.

If we don't have confidence in our children's abilities how are they ever supposed to have confidence in themselves? Think about that when you suggest that they do something the way that you would instead of letting them try to do it all on their own. It takes a bit of practice not to want to correct but it is so worth it when you see a child start to realize his potential.

I know I said in Monday's blog that I would explain how I made cleaning fun for my kids but that will be in a future blog or maybe even an article for the newsletter.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Support and Self Esteem

Happy Tuesday Everyone

Cassie and I have switched blogging days this week. She is such a dear friend and knows me so well that she realized yesterday that I was under a lot of stress and gave me a helping hand, by writing my blog for me. So today it is my turn and I thought I would write a bit more about another important aspect of friendship and that is to provide you with love support and encouragement and yes sometimes even a good butt kicking is in order to get you back on track.

Until your children are adults they may not have such a support system, so you as the parent have to fit that bill. If you always have an open door policy with your children and they know that if they are struggling in any aspect of their lives and need a hug or even a shoulder to cry on you will always be there for them; you may not be aware but you are helping to build their self esteem. In order for a child to feel good about himself he has to always know that there will always be people out there who will never let him down and will love him unconditionally no matter what ..... his parents.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Friendship

I don't know where I would be without my friend Cassie. She appeared in my life at a time when I was at my lowest and I am thankful every day for having her in my life. Our friendship is a very special one, as you could not find two people more in sync. There are times she will say exactly what I am thinking. I would be lost without her.

Friendship is important for children too. Not only to provide them with someone to play with but it is also an integral part of your child's development. Friendships will help your child develop his social skills, problem solving abilities and self esteem.

Monicka