Parenting and fathering

Fathering

When I met my husband about 16 years ago, he was what is painfully known as a "non-custodial parent" or worse "absent father". Over the years I struggled alongside him to try to keep contact with his daughter, Sam, in spite of his ex-wife's best efforts (which were sadly very successful while Sam was small) to alienate his child from him.

So when Sam came to live with us earlier this year, aged 17, it was a dream come true. Now I watch father and daughter spending time together, see how much love they now share in spite of all the difficult years, and am so thankful that the two of them are so close and loving together. I can die happy now!

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Father and Daughter Reunited

I am feeling all teary-eyed today as I ponder the long years that my husband Kevin and I have been together, and how what we wanted more than anything all those years is to have his daughter, Samantha, in our lives full-time.

The first time I met Sam, she was 3 years old. The memory of this beautiful toddler running into her Daddy's arms is one of the most vivid I have. I can barely believe that after all this time, now that she is 17 years old, she is finally living with us. I have to pinch myself every day to see if I'm dreaming!

This poem expresses the heartache of a father separated from his daughter. I hope you like it.

“She”

I closed my eyes
And put a padlock on my heart
I drew the curtains
To shut out the cries of my soul.

The joyful “Daddy”
That should light up my life
Brings only tears
Heartache and torment no creature should face.

She tore me wide open
In her beautiful innocence
I loved her and…
The pain was too great to bear.

Snatched moments
Treasured memories – too few
A smile, a kiss
And then banished again.

She was the victim
Though I felt the pain
She is the victim still
Though my scars are deep to the bone.

A toddler once
Suddenly a young lady
Still innocent, still loving
In spite of it all.

Those years!
Where did they go?
Who stole them – not I!
An evil demon hid them in a dark hole of hell.

Still weak victims
Still abused – not one but both,
Father and daughter the same.
“How!?” pleads my heart

An answer begins.
As now growing up, we grow stronger
Now we can fight for each other
For the rights denied for so long.

My second chance…
My redemption…
My prayers…
Yes, my daughter.

** the end **
Via the pen of Cassie Martin from the soul of her husband Kevin, a father banished from his daughter’s life for 6 years, one month and 24 days, dedicated to her on their reunion when she was 12 years old.

Father Daughter Bonding

Happy Tuesday Everyone

With the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs last week I have pretty much become a hockey widow and it is nice to have Cassie here to keep me company. As with the majority of men in Canada the playoffs seems to be the topic of conversation for my husband lately especially since his beloved Canucks are doing so well. I found it rather interesting that my daughter has discovered a love for hockey too. It warms my heart to see her sitting beside her Dad on the couch cheering on their favourite team. It is especially interesting since my ten-year-old son has shown no interest in watching it at all.

I have found in the past that the relationship my daughter, who has Asperger’s, has with her Father has been strained at best. They seem to be able to push each other’s buttons and many times he will send her to her room when they have a disagreement about something. He has not yet developed the patience he needs to have when dealing with her many moods. I am hoping that the bonding in front of the television that they have been doing lately is a start of something special. I have always felt like they do not have the closeness that they should have between a Father and daughter and I am usually the one she will come to if she has a problem she needs help with. Hopefully he will start to really appreciate what a great kid she really is.

Happy Parenting
Monicka