Well, it is Monday and time for another UK ticker update. But first a bit about the importance of friendship and children. Since I have a sixteen year old daughter who is Aspergian I know first hand how difficult making friends can be for some children. Social skills do not come naturally to her and so she has trouble making friends. My eleven year old son on the other hand seems to have no trouble making friends and so this is sometimes very difficult for my daughter. My son will be invited to sleep overs and birthday parties, while she spends a lot of her time alone. I know she has acquaintances at school and with a little push from her they could probably develop into friendships, but because of her inability to know how to befriend someone this does not happen. I know she is very likeable and she has a good heart and anytime we are in town and someone recognizes her they always say hi to her and ask her how she is doing.
This got me thinking about the fact that if I could sit in her pocket and observe her for the day, I would probably see signs from other people that they are willing to be her friend and spend time with her, but she either does not pick up on the subtle cues or if she feels a bit anxious may do something to give the impression that she is not interested when that could be the furthest thing from the truth.
My daughter has worked very hard with a speech language pathologist since she was quite young to learn social skills and how to make friends, but because of her Asperger's she still struggles in that department.
If you notice that your child seems to be a loner and has trouble making friends it may be a good idea to talk to a professional about what you can do as a parent to help him in that area. Not all kids are born with these skills and sometimes a little help may be needed.
Now for the weekly up date.
Well I tried to update my ticker but the website is down for a bit but according to my calculations I will be leaving for the UK in get this 9 Days woo hoo!!!
For ideas on How to Help Your Child Make Friends!
Happy Friendships,
Monicka
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2008
Monday, October 15, 2007
Friendship 101
While having a session with my daughter's speech language pathologist, Nora, the subject of friendship came up and my daughter Savannah asked her if her two twin boys who also attend the same high school say hi to my daughter when they see her because they feel sorry for her because of her Aspergers? She wanted to know if Nora told her sons to go out of their way to say hi to Savannah because Nora told them to? Nora assured my daughter that she does not discuss Savannah with her boys and if they said hi to her it was because they wanted to and all on their own accord. It seems that my daughter got it into her head that anyone who paid any attention to her did so because they felt sorry for her.
I was completely unaware that this was happening and having her share her thought processes really helped Nora and me understand why my daughter may be having so many problems connecting with her peers. If people were reaching out to her and she thought it was because they pitied her she was more than likely not reciprocating and closing off from anyone who was trying to make contact. I told her that if she wanted to have friends she would have to do some of the work too. No one was going to come up to her and say "Savannah will you be my friend?" It was a process that may start with a hi in the hallway and she needed to show that she was interested by saying hi back and a smile wouldn't hurt either. I asked her if she would like to be friends with someone who always looked sad? I suddenly saw this light bulb go off in her head when she said, You are right Mom, the perky people have lots of friends and they are always smiling. "I thought they were smiling because they had lots of friends" Out of the mouths of babes!!!
Suddenly my daughter understood that she played a big part in making friends and if anyone said hi to her she was going to return the salutation and with a smile to boot, even if it felt uncomfortable. It will be interesting to see if our little talk has any impact on how people respond to my daughter? I am positive that her peers are reaching out to her and because of her incorrect assumptions they are getting the idea that she wants nothing to do with them, when that is the farthest thing from the truth.
Happy Friendships
Monicka
I was completely unaware that this was happening and having her share her thought processes really helped Nora and me understand why my daughter may be having so many problems connecting with her peers. If people were reaching out to her and she thought it was because they pitied her she was more than likely not reciprocating and closing off from anyone who was trying to make contact. I told her that if she wanted to have friends she would have to do some of the work too. No one was going to come up to her and say "Savannah will you be my friend?" It was a process that may start with a hi in the hallway and she needed to show that she was interested by saying hi back and a smile wouldn't hurt either. I asked her if she would like to be friends with someone who always looked sad? I suddenly saw this light bulb go off in her head when she said, You are right Mom, the perky people have lots of friends and they are always smiling. "I thought they were smiling because they had lots of friends" Out of the mouths of babes!!!
Suddenly my daughter understood that she played a big part in making friends and if anyone said hi to her she was going to return the salutation and with a smile to boot, even if it felt uncomfortable. It will be interesting to see if our little talk has any impact on how people respond to my daughter? I am positive that her peers are reaching out to her and because of her incorrect assumptions they are getting the idea that she wants nothing to do with them, when that is the farthest thing from the truth.
Happy Friendships
Monicka
Monday, May 14, 2007
Watching Them Grow
The soccer season has just started and my daughter who has Aspergers is really holding her own on the field. She no longer has a fear of the ball and she is in there taking headers with the best of them. I have always been proud of her because I know it has not been easy for her. She still has to get the coach to help her figure out which is left and which is right but that has not kept her from always giving her best. I have also noted that the girls she plays with have been very supportive with their comments, even the ones that she isn't familiar with. My husband seems to think that we should talk to the coach and explain that our daughter has Asperger's and he may need to be a bit more patient with her at times while she figures things out. At first I thought it was a good idea, but watching her play on Saturday I have come to the realization, that she is doing just fine on her own. She is almost sixteen-years-old and maybe now is the time for her to start being an advocate for herself, as I am not always going to be there to explain things.
It is difficult for me as her Mother not to take over when she is struggling with the hairbrush and she gets very upset with me when I hover around her when she wants to cook something on the stove. She lets me know in no uncertain terms that the kids her age are cooking for themselves and so should she!! I know that she needs to do more for herself and I need to let her, but my first instinct has always been to protect her from getting hurt physically as well as emotionally. As I watched her play so well on Saturday, I came to the realization that she is growing up right before my eyes and I need to let her test her wings a bit more, so that one day she will be able to fend for herself. Not an easy thing for me to accept, but the most loving thing to do for her nonetheless.
Happy Parenting
Monicka
It is difficult for me as her Mother not to take over when she is struggling with the hairbrush and she gets very upset with me when I hover around her when she wants to cook something on the stove. She lets me know in no uncertain terms that the kids her age are cooking for themselves and so should she!! I know that she needs to do more for herself and I need to let her, but my first instinct has always been to protect her from getting hurt physically as well as emotionally. As I watched her play so well on Saturday, I came to the realization that she is growing up right before my eyes and I need to let her test her wings a bit more, so that one day she will be able to fend for herself. Not an easy thing for me to accept, but the most loving thing to do for her nonetheless.
Happy Parenting
Monicka
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Good Friends are Hard to Find
Happy Wednesday Everyone
Today is a bittersweet day for me. It is the last day that Cassie and I have before she heads home to the UK but by the same token it is reminder of how special our friendship really is. I wish everyone could find such a friend. It doesn't matter how long in between visits we find a way to stay close through daily msn audio chats and phone calls.
Keeping a friendship going takes a little bit of effort and this can make it difficult for the kids on the spectrum. An inappropriate comment or gesture from a child with Asperger's or other autism condition can sometimes be taken out of context if the person is unaware of the social difficulties these kids face every day.
I wish there was some way to clue the world in on the fact that these kids deserve to have friends too and if people would just give them a break they would find that they have much to give to a friendship. One thing is a given, it would never be boring!!! :-)
Great article on autism and friendship
All the best
Monicka
Today is a bittersweet day for me. It is the last day that Cassie and I have before she heads home to the UK but by the same token it is reminder of how special our friendship really is. I wish everyone could find such a friend. It doesn't matter how long in between visits we find a way to stay close through daily msn audio chats and phone calls.
Keeping a friendship going takes a little bit of effort and this can make it difficult for the kids on the spectrum. An inappropriate comment or gesture from a child with Asperger's or other autism condition can sometimes be taken out of context if the person is unaware of the social difficulties these kids face every day.
I wish there was some way to clue the world in on the fact that these kids deserve to have friends too and if people would just give them a break they would find that they have much to give to a friendship. One thing is a given, it would never be boring!!! :-)
Great article on autism and friendship
All the best
Monicka
Friday, April 20, 2007
Autism and Sleep
Happy Friday Everyone
Cassie is a firm believer in proper sleep hygiene and I am finding that even though I am more of a night owl, I am slowly changing my sleep habits for the better. She was apalled at the late hours my children sometimes keep and suggested that maybe my son, who suffers from frequent colds, would benefit with more sleep. All well and good if there was a way to make him go to bed earlier without the nightly ritual of having to get something to eat or drink or tell me something he forgot to mention earlier. My teenage daughter, who has Asperger's, seems to be able to get by on the minimum amount of sleep and still function properly but that is not always the way with kids on the spectrum. Many have sleeping difficulties and find it not only difficult to fall asleep but also to stay asleep.
An extreme example was a child I read about in a Discovery magazine article, who had to sleep standing up leaning against his dresser because he had so much discomfort at night that was the only way he could get any rest.
All the best
Monicka
Cassie is a firm believer in proper sleep hygiene and I am finding that even though I am more of a night owl, I am slowly changing my sleep habits for the better. She was apalled at the late hours my children sometimes keep and suggested that maybe my son, who suffers from frequent colds, would benefit with more sleep. All well and good if there was a way to make him go to bed earlier without the nightly ritual of having to get something to eat or drink or tell me something he forgot to mention earlier. My teenage daughter, who has Asperger's, seems to be able to get by on the minimum amount of sleep and still function properly but that is not always the way with kids on the spectrum. Many have sleeping difficulties and find it not only difficult to fall asleep but also to stay asleep.
An extreme example was a child I read about in a Discovery magazine article, who had to sleep standing up leaning against his dresser because he had so much discomfort at night that was the only way he could get any rest.
All the best
Monicka
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