With Much Sadness :((

Hello Readers of the kidsgoals newsletter, visitors to the site and any kidsgoals blog readers. It is with much sadness that I am informing you of the sudden passing of my dearest friend and my partner in kidsgoals, my darling Cassie. She passed away suddenly at the end of December 2010, and I miss her terribly. I will however continue with the website and the newsletter in her memory as I truly believe she would have wanted that.

Please bear with me as I muddle through with the newsletter. It will be late January before I will be able to send it out. I have to learn all the technical stuff on my own - Cassie was without a doubt the technical wizard in this partnership.

That is about all I am able to say for now.

RIP my sweet angel you are loved and missed beyond measure.

Monicka

The Importance of Friendship for Your Children

This is going to be an awesome year for me because in a few months I will be leaving for the UK to see Cassie. We have developed a very close friendship in the almost three years we have known each other. We met online on a forum and hit it off and in 2006 I flew to the UK and met her in person. She returned the favour in April of 2007by coming to visit me in Canada and now I am once again off to spend time with her in England.

Even though we are not able to see each other in person very much we have continued to develop a strong friendship and we usually chat everyday on msn. All I can say is thank God for technology for without it we would never have met.

Cassie is an integral part of my life, as she supports me and lets me vent when I need to and is always willing to lend a helping hand if need be. Friendship is important for your children too and if you have concerns that your child may be having problems making friends there is a lot that you can do to remedy that situation. Check out our website at kidsgoals.com for parenting tips on helping your children to make friends.




Happy Parenting,
Monicka

When Momma ain't happy.........

I started a new job just over a month ago and it has been quite demanding and by the end of the day I am bagged. I was hoping that after a few weeks I would have built up a bit of stamina which would still leave me with a smidgen of energy after a long work day for all the things I need to do, such as spending time with family, working on my courses. blogging, the kidsgoals newsletter and other projects, not to mention household chores. So far work has been very taxing and by the end of the day it is, "stick a fork in me... I am done."

I have been feeling really bad because I have left all the blogging and the kidsgoals website to my best friend and co-editor, Cassie. She has been so awesome about covering my blogging days and I owe her a huge debt of gratitude. I was thinking the other day that I have to find a way to find the time and energy to get everything done without having to stay up till the wee hours in the morning. Cassie told me to start putting off the unimportant things and start delegating the chores as much as possible. It all sounds good, but there is a part of me that thinks I need to do it all without asking for help from anyone. Why is that so common in the female species ? Many working Mothers believe that they have to be Super Woman . I know I can't do it all but somehow I have this inane belief that I should be able to. That is when your best friend steps in, smacks you upside the head (not literally) and brings you back to reality.

So NO dear ladies, we can't do it all and why should we have to? My plan is to heed my dear friends advice and sit down with my family very soon, and explain in as loving a way as possible, that Mommy needs a little help. If we all work together everything will get done, no one will have to do more than their fair share and bonus Mommy will be so happy. After all as the saying goes..."When Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Thank you soooooooo much for all your help Cassie my dearest friend, I owe you big time!!!!

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen

It is so hard to believe that my little girl is turning sixteen today. I have watched her grow into a a beautiful (inside and out) caring and talented young person. Life has not always been easy for her because of her Aspergers but she perseveres and tries to do her best no matter what.

She will be going into grade eleven and I know she is feeling a bit stressed about how she is going to fit in with the other students. Her teachers have always been supportive although she still has problems making friends with the other students. Luckily she has never been bullied by any of her classmates and they are friendly to a point but by the same token they do not reach out to her in friendship. She has been hurt by a so-called friend in the past and so is very wary about letting her guard down.

My biggest hope for her as she enters a new school year is that people will see her in a new light and appreciate her for the awesome person that she is. She has a huge heart and I know she would be a loyal and caring friend to anyone who gave her a chance.

Happy Birthday Sweet Savannah I am very proud to call you my daughter.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Children and Making Friends

My step daughter Sam (17) has been living with us for less than a month, and we were a little concerned about how easy it would be for her to make new friends in Buckingham. To our delight, however, she is doing great - and in fact has a shopping trip to Milton Keynes, our nearest big town, with a group of new girlfriends today!

Tomorrow she starts her new job as an assistant at the local optician's store, and I'm sure she'll soon make even more friends through work.

For helping younger children make friends, you might like to check out Monicka's article, Helping Your Child Make Friends.

Happy parenting!

Cassie

Depression and Autism

Today is a very sad day for me. After having my friend Cassie here for the last few weeks I woke up this morning feeling like something was missing. Our friendship has become such an important part of my day and having her here in my country and my home was very special for me. I am literally having Cassie withdrawal. So yes I am a bit sad but I know that by tomorrow or Sunday I will be back to my old self. My daughter, who has Asperger's, sometimes, suffers from depression and I keep a close eye on her for any red flags. A bad day at school can sometimes exacerbate into full blown depression in the blink of an eye so if she seems like she is becoming withdrawn and spending a bit too much time in her room I make sure to check in with her to see what is going on. It is sometimes like pulling teeth to get her to talk about it but with a bit of encouragement or a game of hangman she will eventually tell me.


Depression is very common in autism and Asperger’s kids. Social withdrawal, lack of appetite and sleep disturbance is common in children on the spectrum and are also the core symptoms of depression, the disease can sometimes go undiagnosed and untreated. If you have any concerns your child may be depressed it is a good idea to talk to a professional as soon as possible.

All the best

Monicka

Asperger Kids and Friendship

Continuing the theme of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders) and friendship, we thought you would be interested in a program we listened to in which some Asperger's children were interviewed about how they cope at school.

You'll find the link on this page: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/youandyours/features/autism.shtml - just scroll about 1/2 way down, the program is entitled ASPERGER FRIENDS. There are also lots of other interesting programs archived on the page!

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Good Friends are Hard to Find

Happy Wednesday Everyone

Today is a bittersweet day for me. It is the last day that Cassie and I have before she heads home to the UK but by the same token it is reminder of how special our friendship really is. I wish everyone could find such a friend. It doesn't matter how long in between visits we find a way to stay close through daily msn audio chats and phone calls.

Keeping a friendship going takes a little bit of effort and this can make it difficult for the kids on the spectrum. An inappropriate comment or gesture from a child with Asperger's or other autism condition can sometimes be taken out of context if the person is unaware of the social difficulties these kids face every day.

I wish there was some way to clue the world in on the fact that these kids deserve to have friends too and if people would just give them a break they would find that they have much to give to a friendship. One thing is a given, it would never be boring!!! :-)

Great article on autism and friendship

All the best

Monicka

Autism and friendship

Friendship is just as important to kids on the Autism spectrum as to any other child. But these special children can have lots of difficulty making friends.

If your child has a classmate with Autism, Aspergers or a related condition, you can help them by explaining a bit about autism and some of the ways in which autism-spectrum children differ. For example, explain that their autistic classmate might have difficulty understanding "social rules", and so might unintentionally sound rude. They probably don't mean it at all!

This article gives some other ideas about befriending an autistic person. Hope you find it as interesting as we did!

Happy parenting.

Cassie

A Little Help From a Friend

Happy Wednesday Everyone

My Daughter who has Asperger's, works with a very special lady (Nora) who is not only a speech language pathologist but has also become a very good friend to our family. My daughter has worked with her since she was in grade school and they have a developed a closeness that has been very beneficial to my daughter's growth.

We usually have meetings with her on a bi-weekly basis and I find that I really benefit from the sessions too. She has pointed many things out to me that I have had to change in dealing with my daughter. For instance she told me that kids on the spectrum may take a little longer to answer questions. I would answer the questions for my daughter if she took a little too much time, thinking she was struggling, but in truth Nora advised me to give her more time and she will answer it herself. Nora was right on the money!! Cassie also made a suggestion that she felt would help my daughter when it came to helping her concentrate on her homework and I have every intention of implementing her idea.

If it takes a village to raise a child than we should always be open to suggestions from others without feeling offended. Others may see things that we miss and I know that I DO NOT have all the answers. Parenting at best is trial and error and a little helping hand from time to time is very much appreciated.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Siblings and Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Happy Sunday Everyone
It is a beautiful sunny day and Cassie and I just returned from a nice walk with the dog. Cassie is doing really well jet lag wise and seems happy and relaxed. I want this time for her to be an enjoyable experience so she will want to come back; or better yet not want to leave. :- )

My friendship with Cassie is so important to me and I can’t imagine not having her in my life. Children who are on the Autism spectrum may have problems developing such friendships and my fondest hope is that one day my daughter who has Asperger's (a pervasive development disorder related to Autism) will find such a friend. In the interim she has developed a bit of a friendship with an older girl from high school but it is not the kind of friendship that will probably last. For one, her friend will be graduating this June and she will be on her way to independence while my daughter will be in the school system for a few more years yet.

For my daughter the relationship she has with her younger brother is very important to her. There is a five-year difference but they seem to really enjoy each other’s company and do a lot of things together. I think she would be a very lonely child without her little brother. For kids on the spectrum siblings play a huge part in their social development and sometimes the younger child will develop a protective role and look out for their elder sibling. My son for instance will stick up for his sister if he feels like she is being taken advantage of.

All the best

Monicka

Can't we all just get along??

Happy Friday Everyone

Cassie had a good rest last night and so far (knock on wood) seems to be coping with the jet lag really well. We had a nice lazy day at home, talking, drinking lots of tea and also watched a movie. I am really enjoying spending time with my best friend. Which brings me to the topic of today's blog,"Friendship and Asperger's"

I have read that most "Aspies" are not interested in forming any social connections, but I beg to differ. From everything that I have experienced with my daughter and other kids in her support group, is that they all would really like to fit in, the problem is they just don't know how. The movie Cassie and I watched was called Mozart and the Whale, which showed how important it is to connect with other people. No matter who we are we all need to feel like we belong. The characters in the film had problems forming friendships with others but find meaningful relationships with other Apies.

Anyone who refuses to give these kids a chance does not know what they are missing! Each child is unique and amazing in their own personal strengths and in the way they view the world. I truly believe that they are angels that are here to teach us all something. My fondest wish is that with all the airplay Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorders (hate that word by the way) has received recently, that the world will have a more positive view of the children and adults who are on the spectrum, and that can only be a good thing.

I found this incredible poem and emailed the woman who wrote it for permission to post her url on our blog. It is titled, "Plaint of the Aspie" I think you will find it as enlightning as Cassie and I did.




All the best

Monicka

Reason Season and Lifetime Friends

I found this today and wanted to share it with our readers. (Cassie you came into my life for a reason, you are staying for much much more than just a season and I will love you for many lifetimes. I miss you Peanut!! )


People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need
you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon
in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

~Author Unknown
.

A Small Gesture

Happy Sunday Everyone

I am a little late with my blog today. I usually like to complete it the day before but for some reason it slipped my mind. Since the theme for February is all about love and friendship I thought it very fitting to write about an experience that my eldest daughter told me about on the phone yesterday.

She was having an exceptionally bad morning as she headed off to work and was feeling quite upset. As she was driving along she happened to notice a middle aged homeless lady on the side of the street who was not very well dressed for the kind of day it was weather-wise. She kept thinking about the woman and was almost at the office she works at when something inside her made her turn around and head home. Because she could not get the feeling that she needed to help this woman out of her head, she decided to go home and get a pair of mittens to give to this woman so at least her hands would be warm. So that is what she did. With her small gift in hand she went up to the woman and handed her the mittens and also gave her some money. The woman was so thankful and told my daughter that she was starting to feel like the world was not a very nice place and this made her feel like maybe it was not so bad after all and she hugged my daughter. It was just a very small gesture but it made a huge impact on this woman and when Kayla saw how the woman's mood changed it changed her mood too and she realized that what she gained was sooo much more than the small token of friendship she had given the woman.

By showing our children by example how to be kind and loving we are helping to mould them into caring adults who will care about their fellow man. My daughter's random act of kindness is an example of this, as she was raised believing it is better to give than to receive and even as a child she was always willing to share her toys with other children.
Happy Parenting

Monicka

Support and Self Esteem

Happy Tuesday Everyone

Cassie and I have switched blogging days this week. She is such a dear friend and knows me so well that she realized yesterday that I was under a lot of stress and gave me a helping hand, by writing my blog for me. So today it is my turn and I thought I would write a bit more about another important aspect of friendship and that is to provide you with love support and encouragement and yes sometimes even a good butt kicking is in order to get you back on track.

Until your children are adults they may not have such a support system, so you as the parent have to fit that bill. If you always have an open door policy with your children and they know that if they are struggling in any aspect of their lives and need a hug or even a shoulder to cry on you will always be there for them; you may not be aware but you are helping to build their self esteem. In order for a child to feel good about himself he has to always know that there will always be people out there who will never let him down and will love him unconditionally no matter what ..... his parents.

Happy Parenting

Monicka

Friendship

I don't know where I would be without my friend Cassie. She appeared in my life at a time when I was at my lowest and I am thankful every day for having her in my life. Our friendship is a very special one, as you could not find two people more in sync. There are times she will say exactly what I am thinking. I would be lost without her.

Friendship is important for children too. Not only to provide them with someone to play with but it is also an integral part of your child's development. Friendships will help your child develop his social skills, problem solving abilities and self esteem.

Monicka