A friend in need is a friend indeed

I know that when I have any kind of dilemma in my life, the first person I turn to is not my husband, although I love him dearly, it is Cassie. She knows me so well and we are so in sync that I know if I cannot come up with a solution all on my own she will more than likely know what to do. Now here I am with a dilemma and no Cassie, as she is away in Scotland for a few days.

My friend Cassie means the world to me. She motivates me and supports me and I try to do likewise for her. Our children also need friendships. Sometimes there are things they just cannot discuss with their parents as much as we would like them to. A friend can be a sounding board and a support system for your child to turn to when things are not going as planned. Sadly, there are children that do not naturally develop the social skills needed to make friends and sometimes a child may be shy or lacks self esteem, and it is more difficult for them to bond with their peers.

If you notice that your child is friendless, sit them down and have a talk with them. Rather than say that they look like they are lonely and would like a friend, ask them if they are happy with their friendships? In this way the child will be much more likely to confide that no, he is not happy with the way his friendships are going. You can then ask them why they think it is that way? By letting your child open up to you about his struggles in social areas rather than coming out and saying I noticed you have no friends, you are telling your child that you are not feeling sorry for him, which could hurt his self confidence. He will be thinking gee, if my Mom or Dad noticed that I have no Friends, I must really be a loser. By asking if he is happy with his friendships you are opening the door for him to tell you about his friendship problems. Once your child opens up to you, you can ask if he would like help and then offer suggestions on what could be done. This all goes back to what Cassie said about helping our children to solve their own problems.Rather than saying you have a problem, you are asking if there are any problems? Just a little bit of rewording of a question can make a huge difference in how your child perceives himself. Now I am going to email Cassie with my problem.


Happy Parenting
Monicka

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Friendship 101

While having a session with my daughter's speech language pathologist, Nora, the subject of friendship came up and my daughter Savannah asked her if her two twin boys who also attend the same high school say hi to my daughter when they see her because they feel sorry for her because of her Aspergers? She wanted to know if Nora told her sons to go out of their way to say hi to Savannah because Nora told them to? Nora assured my daughter that she does not discuss Savannah with her boys and if they said hi to her it was because they wanted to and all on their own accord. It seems that my daughter got it into her head that anyone who paid any attention to her did so because they felt sorry for her.

I was completely unaware that this was happening and having her share her thought processes really helped Nora and me understand why my daughter may be having so many problems connecting with her peers. If people were reaching out to her and she thought it was because they pitied her she was more than likely not reciprocating and closing off from anyone who was trying to make contact. I told her that if she wanted to have friends she would have to do some of the work too. No one was going to come up to her and say "Savannah will you be my friend?" It was a process that may start with a hi in the hallway and she needed to show that she was interested by saying hi back and a smile wouldn't hurt either. I asked her if she would like to be friends with someone who always looked sad? I suddenly saw this light bulb go off in her head when she said, You are right Mom, the perky people have lots of friends and they are always smiling. "I thought they were smiling because they had lots of friends" Out of the mouths of babes!!!

Suddenly my daughter understood that she played a big part in making friends and if anyone said hi to her she was going to return the salutation and with a smile to boot, even if it felt uncomfortable. It will be interesting to see if our little talk has any impact on how people respond to my daughter? I am positive that her peers are reaching out to her and because of her incorrect assumptions they are getting the idea that she wants nothing to do with them, when that is the farthest thing from the truth.

Happy Friendships

Monicka

Problems Making Friends

Not all kids are good at making friends and sometimes parents may need to lend a helping hand. Have a talk with your child's teacher and see how your child is with his classmates or better yet ask if you can volunteer as a helper and observe for yourself how your child treats other children and more important how other children treat your child.

Some kids may have low self esteem or are quite shy and may need help developing their social skills. You can talk to your child's school to see if they offer special buddy programs for shy kids or programs to help build your child's self esteem and help to hone their social skills. If they don't offer anything like that they they may know where you can access such things.

It is important to talk to your child and ask how he is feeling with the friendships he has or if he feels like there are problems in that area. Your child usually won't volunteer such information so it is a good idea to ask lots of questions. You can even ask how your child feels about himself. If you have serious concerns about your child's lack of self esteem, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional.

For more ideas on How to Help Your Child Make Friends!

Happy Parenting

Monicka