Those Parenting "AHA" Moments

Quick update on my son's first night as mascot for our local hockey team the Silverbacks. First off, I am soooo proud of him for not letting his fears get the best of him. I guess we as parents and caregivers would love to shelter our children from anything that can cause them harm physically or mentally, whether real or not. But... by being too protective we are not doing them any favours. I saw how nervous my son was and I knew inside he was counting the hours as the time to leave for the arena was drawing closer. I suggested a good run on the treadmill to alleviate some of the stress he was feeling and he agreed that was a good idea and it really helped lower his stress level. To make a long story short - it all worked out just fine. Unfortunately, the teams previous mascot didn't show up so my son was not able to shadow him as planned. It looks like we are back to square one, and he will have a bit of training on Wednesday night when the arena won't be as packed. That way when the weekend comes he will be prepared for the larger crowds and have a better idea of what they expect from him.

I also want to blog a bit about the aha moment I had with my daughter yesterday. I had asked her to do something for me and she basically told me to do it myself! Now normally I would have told her to have some respect and would list all the things that I do on a daily basis for her without asking, but something inside me told me to be quiet and bite my tongue, so that is what I did. So although I felt a little hurt I carried on with what I was doing and within about ten minutes my daughter came to me and apologized and asked me what it was I wanted her to do and she did it without grumbling. My goodness!! I was shocked to say the least and couldn't wait till my husband came home to tell him. You see my daughter has Asperger's, which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder and she sometimes has fits of rage and it doesn't take much. She knows how to push my husband's buttons big time and more times than not something trivial will turn into a shouting match. My aha moment was realizing that by taking that extra time and not reacting too quickly my daughter came to her senses - no harm done. As her Mother I always struggle to find the best way to parent my daughter, after all she is twenty so she is considered an adult, but sometimes she acts so young and it makes me realize and there are so many things that she still needs to learn about life, but that I will leave for a later blog.

Sometimes all we need to do is take a deep breath before we react to our children when they are being belligerent or rebellious. I am not saying you should let your children get away with being mouthy or refusing to do something you ask them; rather, let them have a bit of time to cool off and then you can sit down and talk about it when cooler heads prevail. You may be surprised by the difference that will make in your relationship with your child.

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Kids and Responsibility continued...

My first thought when my daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of thirteen was, that she would be dependent on me to take care of her for the rest of her life. I was scared that if anything happened to me and her Father she would end up in an institution or something worse. How wrong I was! Once I started doing research on Autism Spectrum Disorders I realized that the majority of these children can learn with the proper teaching to be very independent and some even get married and raise families of their own. How wonderful to find out that my daughter's future was not going to be as dismal as I first thought.

I have found that with my daughter she has the ability to learn how to do many things and although some things are more of a struggle than others, she can be taught. She has become quite a little cook and her recipe repertoire is quite extensive. While she still has to be supervised for her own safety, I know that in the very near future she will be very capable of preparing meals all on her own. I noticed straight away that my confidence in her abilities and my encouraging her to try new and challenging things only added to her self esteem and her own realization that she was actually a very capable young lady. By allowing her to make mistakes without too much intervention she was becoming more and more independent and I had to do less and less for her. Had I not allowed her to make mistakes, she never would have realized her potential. Now if I could just get her to keep her room clean. :- ) Oh well I guess we can't have it all.

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Routine and security

In an hour, I leave home for my long journey to Canada to spend a couple of weeks with my dear friend and partner Monicka. I'm thrilled to be going to visit her - my only problem is I really hate travelling. It makes me extremely anxious - and I'm certain that it is because we moved around a lot when I was a kid. We left the UK when I was seven and travelled around Israel and then Ireland - often with nowhere to stay (yes I do mean homeless).

So I was interested to hear the other day from my friend Grant who is a trainee counsellor, that he had been learning about the psychology of small children and how important it is for them to have a stable physical environment. Toddlers and small children have so much to learn about the world around them, that they need as much stability as possible. Travelling on holidays is not necessarily a good thing for small kids, especially around the age when they start walking and venturing a little further from the security of their parents' arms. And moving house can be quite traumatic.

For children on the autism spectrum, routine and stability are even more important. Monicka tells me that her teenage daughter (who has Asperger Syndrome) eats exactly the same breakfast and lunch every day - and that if the Bran Flakes have run out it can upset her daughter's whole day.

Well that's me off on my scary plane flight now, and will be very glad when it is over and I'm safe and sound at home with Monicka. My next blog will be written in Canada!!!

cyberhugs,

Cassie