Raising Teenagers

I have noticed the last little while that my fifteen year old son has not had a lot of time for me. I seem to push his buttons without even realizing and he has been very vocal about it. For you parents who are starting to feel like you cannot seem to do anything right in your child's eyes, join the club. You would think that after raising three kids to adulthood I would remember that I went through this before. More so with my daughter who is now 28, than my eldest son, but I did go through this experience before and should remember that this too shall pass.

Teenagers seem to need their space from their parents and it is the first sign of independence and is actually not a bad thing as long as it does not get out of hand. Your child needs to feel like he has choices and needs to feel that his privacy is respected. I have tried to make it a habit to always knock on my son's door after being reprimanded a few times about respect and privacy. Thinking back I most likely had the same feelings toward my parents but dared not voice it. Back then most children were not able to speak their mind without a major whooping, but now luckily our kids can feel safe enough to tell us how they are feeling.

So remember times have changed when it comes to parenting, but teenagers have not. Of course if your teen is blatantly abusive and a little too vocal you may want to discuss it with a professional as sometimes anger is a sign of depression and you should never take that lightly especially if it seems out of character.

Kids and Friendships continued

I have written many times about how some kids really have difficulty when it comes to making friends. Not all children are able to grasp the social skills needed so may look to their parents for tips on how to make friends. If your  child is a little shy there are simple things that you can suggest that he try to help with his social skills.

Smiling at people can be the start to making a new friend. A smile tells people that you are interested in them and it is a sure fire way to open the door to friendship. If your child is shy he may feel like lowering his head and not looking in people's eyes. Help your child to practice his smiling and eye contact with the rest of the family and if anyone notices that your child is not looking them in the eye, you can gently lift his head up and tell him to look at you with his beautiful peepers. After awhile this should become a habit.

If on the other hand that you are concerned that your child is taking too long to grasp social skills and is really having a lot of problems maintaining eye contact it may be a good idea to discuss it with your Doctor who should be able to refer you to the proper professional to help your child. Children on the Autism Spectrum in particular have problems with social skills and so more help may be needed.

For more ideas on How to Help Your Child Make Friends!


Happy Parenting

Monicka

Goal Setting for Kids - An Outcome IS A Success

When a baby tries to impact the world around him, this is the earliest form of goal oriented behavior. And his experiences will start to shape his self-belief - whether he believes his actions will produce results or not.
This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to "spoil" your baby and give in to his every demand. (I could (and often do!) argue that it's not possible to "spoil" a baby anyway).
For example, suppose your 6 month old is crying in his crib at nap time and demanding to be picked up. How you react is very important. If you completely ignore him, this experience indicates to him that he is helpless and cannot change the world around him, or your reaction, by his own actions. But if you were to walk into the nursery and speak to him, lay him down and stroke his head, then his action (crying) has produced an outcome and therefore has been successful. He may not have achieved his ultimate goal of you picking him up, but he has created a result and can learn from that.
Similarly, goal achievement for older children does not have to be all about getting the ultimate result that they want straight away from the first action they take. Teach your child that when he takes an action and gets a result, even if it is not quite the result he wanted, he can learn from that outcome and then take more action. This is how to empower your child for goal setting and achievement.