Let your kids work it out.

I have blogged many times about my daughter,Savannah, who has Asperger's. She is a typical 16- year- old who just wants to make friends and fit in with everyone else, but because of this disorder social interactions are quite difficult for her. With the help of her speech language pathologist, she was introduced to a girl who was also having problems making friends, and they really hit it off. They had arranged a sleepover on Saturday and seemed to be getting along pretty well until late evening when the girl announced that she didn't want to stay any longer and wanted to go home. We tried to get a hold of her Mother to no avail and my husband even drove her home but she didn't have a key so he brought her back to our house. I felt really bad for her because I could tell she was quite anxious and I did not have a clue what happened to cause this problem. My daughter didn't want to talk about it and so I was totally in the dark. Finally I suggested that they talk about it and try and sort things out, but the girl said when she got upset she tended to stutter and so I recommended that one them use my laptop and the other one use the family computer, and chat on msn. They agreed to try that and I decided to leave them to it and go to bed. About an hour later I heard them laughing and they seemed to be having a great time. The girl's Mother came to pick her up after all, but she left in good spirits and the girls even made plans to play badminton together this Tuesday.

Sometimes we need to let our kids work things out on their own. I tried my best to get my daughter and her friend to talk about things, but that was pretty much all I could do. They both refused to talk to me and so my hands were basically tied. By leaving them alone and giving them some privacy they were able to actually work it out, first on msn through instant messaging and then a bit later, they actually spoke to each other and talked about the conflict they were having. I am still not sure what the problem was as neither one would tell me anything but the bottom line is they worked it out and without my intervention. I have learned a great lesson from this and know that when problems crop up in the future I am going to give my kids a bit of time to sort it out for themselves.

We love our kids and hate to see them hurt, so it is only natural that we want to solve their problems for them. In doing this our children do not learn to develop problem solving skills. If we give our kids the time and space to work it out on their own, more times than not they will come up with a solution. If the problem is so serious that they cannot handle it on their own, they know that they can come to us for love and support. Now isn't that what positive parenting is all about? : -)

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

Helping your child be a successful problem-solver

Helping your child be a successful problem-solver

Life is full of ups and downs! How can we help our children deal with these successfully? As parents, we are responsible for all the major decisions that affect our children's health and welfare throughout their childhood.

However, there are many areas where we can let our children learn to make their own decisions, and practice problem-solving in a safe environment.

DO:

* Allow your child to make age-appropriate decisions
* Talk through with your child how you make decisions that affect him, and show that you value his input even if you have to choose an option he doesn't like
* Brainstorm with your child solutions to his every day problems rather than just telling him what to do - see if you can steer him to thinking up solutions himself.

DON'T

* Let your child make choices that might endanger him
* Overreact when your child makes a mistake or a poor choice. This is part of the learning process after all!

With your guidance, your child can learn the valuable skill of problem solving while he is still in the safe haven of your home - and will be better prepared for life's bigger problems after he has flown the nest!

Happy parenting,

Cassie

Parenting and fathering

Fathering

When I met my husband about 16 years ago, he was what is painfully known as a "non-custodial parent" or worse "absent father". Over the years I struggled alongside him to try to keep contact with his daughter, Sam, in spite of his ex-wife's best efforts (which were sadly very successful while Sam was small) to alienate his child from him.

So when Sam came to live with us earlier this year, aged 17, it was a dream come true. Now I watch father and daughter spending time together, see how much love they now share in spite of all the difficult years, and am so thankful that the two of them are so close and loving together. I can die happy now!

Happy parenting,

Cassie